Harry Potter and the Itchy Camp Adventures
by MrWormtail
Summary: (written at a sleepover-contains intense name-calling) basic good vs. evil.


Harry Potter and the Itchy Camp Adventures  
  
With: Xena and Gabrielle  
  
By: Messrs. Prongs, Mooney, Padfoot, and Wormtail.  
  
  
  
"Harry! Get your butt up now!" yelled Tom. "You know I'm Voldemort! I won't hurt you if you come to the Dark Side,"  
  
"NO!" said Harry.  
  
"Fine, Crucio!" Said Tom. "Ow, that did not hurt," Harry, said sarcastically. "I told you, your wand ran out of juice. You Dork!" said Harry.  
  
"Fine then! Curly Q! Get your butt up now!" yelled Voldemort.  
  
"Um. I can't use a wand."  
  
"Then smack him, you boob!"  
  
Curly Q says, "I don't have boobs!"  
  
"You idiot! Amanda! Get your butt up now!"  
  
"And do what?" says Amanda.  
  
"Smack Harry, you little butt!" Excuse you? I used to be a mega fat dude ya know. Maybe my butt is big, did ya ever think about that?  
  
-During all this Harry is chewing away at his ropes-  
  
"If you turn to the Dark Side, I'll give you $1 million," says Voldemort.  
  
"Okay," says Amanda. Amanda smacks Harry and sits on him with her mega fat dude butt.  
  
Gabrielle says, "Hey Voldemort, look at me!" she dances like a veela. Voldemort and Curly Q come over and sway with the beat.  
  
Gabrielle begins to sing, "Voldemort's a goat, Voldemort's a goat. Hi ho the dairy-o, Voldemort's a goat." Voldemort doesn't notice.  
  
Xena comes out of hiding and throws a disc thingy at Amanda. Amanda falls off Harry. Harry runs away with Bob, Curly Q, Xena, and Gabrielle.  
  
Voldemort screams, "Seize them!" Snape, Dumbledore, and Hermione try to catch Harry.  
  
"Not you too!" Harry says to Dumbledore and Hermione. Snape tries to freeze Harry, but freezes Xena instead.  
  
Everyone else gets away. Xena gets out her sword and hands it to Gabrielle. Gabrielle waves it around blindly.  
  
"Wait!" says Snape, "before you kill me, tell me, do these pants make my butt look big? Look at me from the side."  
  
Xena says, "My gawd, why are you asking me? I'm a model! Everyone's butt looks big to me!"  
  
Voldemort yells at Snape, "You idiot! You fruit cup! You boob! You fat dog's smelly butt! Stop asking questions! She's supposed to be dead by now!"  
  
Snape is offended and says, "Why am I working for you? You think I'm fat! Well I'm leaving!"  
  
"YOU WILL NOT GO ANYWHERE!  
  
Snape screams like a woman and cowers in fear. Then he faints.  
  
"Wuss," mumbles Voldemort.  
  
Because Snape fainted, the spell wore off and Xena and Gabrielle got away. Voldemort got really mad, I mean REALLY MAD!!.  
  
Meanwhile at Ron's.  
  
"Xena, Gabrielle! How are you?" said everyone.  
  
"We're fine. Now, listen.Ahhhhhh!"  
  
"Hi Sirius! How are you?" asks Harry. "And this is Ron and his family" Harry says also.  
  
"Sirius! Sirius Black! Oh my gosh!" yells Arthur. Xena ties up Sirius.  
  
"No!" yelled Harry. Ron untied him  
  
"Harry," gasped Sirius, "you must leave. Voldemort is coming. I saw him! Come with me!" Sirius leads them to a waterfall and goes behind it.  
  
"We're safe for now," says Sirius. "It's harder to track you when you're by water.Hermione!" "No! Yells Ron. "You're on our side!"  
  
"Not anymore! She is on my side," says Voldemort.  
  
"What!?" Sirius curses Voldemort. "How dare you take Hermione!" Voldemort was caught off-guard and is caught in a full body bind. As Hermione and Dumbledore rush to help him, Sirius, Harry, Ron, Xena, and Gabrielle escaped to Sirius's hideout.  
  
When they get there, Xena and Gabrielle get called away on another mission- the guy who dressed up like a girl burned his tongue on cold pizza.  
  
Meanwhile Bob and Curly Q are plotting on how to turn Amanda good again. "I think there's only one thing to do." said Bob. All of a sudden, Bob and Curly Q heard an evil laugh.  
  
"We're the Ali Baba Cool Thieves, Baby!" cried a disembodied voice.  
  
".And here it is now!" finishes Bob. Bob and Jiggy Nye begin to devise a plan. "All we will need is paperclips and the world's largest yarn ball.," said Bob. "Lets start collecting then, I might have something useful in my pocket." Curly Q. said, sticking his hand into his pocket and pulling out a miniature Titanic that became huge again when he threw it into the water, then it broke in half and sunk. Oddly enough, a violin was playing somewhere on the ship.  
  
Meanwhile, Curly Q had pulled out tons of stuff from his pockets, a bottle of Nitro Glycerin, a pack of matches, a few twigs. He stuck his hand farther into his pocket and pulled out a huge log. He set it down and began pulling out more; an inflatable raft, a really well folded tent (when folded, was the size of a normal sized pencil eraser), a bag of Cheetos, a few strips of beef-jerky, ect. He finally pulled out his pocket so that it was sticking inside out. There was a small, silver glint that caught Jiggy Nye's eye.  
  
"Hey Q, what's the silver thingy?"  
  
Curly Q pulled on the silver thing. "By golly, its a paper-clip chain!"  
  
During all this, Sirus and Harry had gotten very bored. Sirus had been playing with a stringy on Harry's cloak. He pulled it, it got longer, he pulled more, it got longer; he pulled and pulled until he had this huge ball of black yarn. "Hey!" Sirus said suddenly, "Will this work?!"  
  
"Sirus! What'd you do to my cloak?!!" Sirius ignored Harry. Jiggy Nye shook his head.  
  
"We can't use a ball of string for anything... I've got a much better idea." He turned to the Ali Baba Cool Thieves, and they got into a football huddle. "Break" they shouted and broke apart. Jiggy Nye reached into his bag and pulled out a strange device. It looked like a really confusing calculator and had a red beeping antennae sticking out of it. He pressed a few buttons, put it back in his bag and settled back to wait. Sirius tried to ask him questions but he just hushed him. Then a huge silver spaceship came down from the sky with a SWOOSH! and everyone was blown back away from the ship. The hatchway opened and a group of small monkey people dresses in leaves and ferns stepped to the ground in front of Jiggy Nye, who shouted, "Welcome, Bushwhackers, to Earth!" He turned to the rest of them, who were shocked, and whispered "These are the Bushwhackers, I met them in the Alpha Centari system."  
  
Jiggy Nye and the Ali Baba Cool Thieves then joined the aliens for lunch at Arby's, during this time the made up a plan...  
  
As they went to Arby's Bob yells "Gwad people! I was kidnapped by them, how could you trust them?" "S Sirius!" screams a very mad, and exasperated Harry "I have been trying to sew this back together for 7 hours and all I got was an inch thick piece of cloth (Harry was shaking with madness)  
  
with an 60 foot piece of cloth hanging off it that is tangled. Do something about it NOW! GET IT !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Ron shook his head at Harry. "I don't think you're going to get that back together there, buddy,"  
  
An army of Bushwhackers, led by Jiggy Nye and the Ali Baba Cool Thieves advanced upon Voldemort, Hermione, Amanda, and Dumbledore. There was a huge fight and many of the Bushwhackers died. Finally Sirius raised his wand above his head and yelled something in another language. Hermione and Dumbledore both did double takes, and then recovered their senses and returned to the good side. But it didn't work on Amanda. Curly Q waved a $20 in front of her, but she said, "No way, buddy. Voldemort's offering me $1 million." Then she took the $20 anyway. Bob took one look at this interaction and nodded at Curly Q. Curly Q and Bob grabbed a burlap sack that had just materialized out of thin air, and at the silent count of 3, they pounced on Amanda and trapped her in it. The two then ran off.  
  
Bob and Curly Q were walking down a desert road, carrying between them the struggling form of Amanda. They soon passed a sign that said, "Welcome to Utah,". Bob grinned. This was exactly what he wanted. Soon they came upon a lone workout center called "Washboard Abs". They stuffed Amanda in a garbage can, where she eventually fainted because of the smell. Then they headed back to the battle. "RON I DO NOT, HEM Km bk jWKGHJ hjjujgj NJHIONN3 nbkaw njjj"screames Harry. "Gosh, was that another language?" asks Ron. Harry goes ballistic. "Funky Monkeys!!!! GET AWAY FROM ME PEEPS!!!!!" Harry screams, he screamed so loud that his lung came out of him. Sirius magic's Harry to the Hospital. Ron stands up offended and sneers "Gosh Harry are you GAY?" Yes I am says Harry. I am going to the dark side." "NO!!!!' screams Sirus in true star Wars style. suddenly Amanda walks up, covered in garbage. "Only a true friend would throw me in a trash can in a ditch behind a workout center in Utah!" says Amanda. "I'm good now." she turns to Voldemort "I WANT A MAIL IN REBATE ON MY 1 MILLION DOLLARS!!! NOW!!" screams Amanda. Everyone runs away from her stench. Amanda runs past Harry, knocking him over and unconscious. She runs and jumps on Voldemort, completely smothering him. He can't breathe, and he can't move because Amanda's Mega Fat Dude Butt is just too big. He passes out. Amanda, Bob, Curly Q, Hermione, Sirius, Dumbledore, Ron, and Jiggy Nye and the Ali Baba Cool Thieves fling him over their shoulder and take him to Azkaban. A dementor comes up and sucks out Voldemort's soul. His lifeless body jumped up suddenly and zooms out the window. He began eating chickens and sacrificing goats. It turns out that once you've drunken Unicorn blood, you can never die. Evil powers from the netherworld zoom up from the ground and go inside his body. His eyes begin glowing red and dangerously as he turns around menacingly to face the rest the people. Despite Amanda's mega fat dude appearance, this new turn of events totally freaks her out. She is about to get sick, and so is everyone else. But suddenly, a mysterious man arrives on the scene. He is tall and has long blond hair and pointy ears; he is the infamous Elven archer, Legolas! Legolas pulls an arrow out of his quiver and shoots it, hitting Demon Voldemort directly in the heart. Demon Voldemort staggers, but then rises up again. Legolas realizes that he cannot kill him, and selects a special arrow from the quiver. It is extra-long and golden colored, with eagle's feathers on it. It is the legendary Golden Arrow, forged in the heat of battle in Islindor, by Legolas himself. It has many magical powers, some of which even Legolas doesn't know, and is now more sought out than even the Ring itself. Legolas raises his bow, aiming for the setting sun. He shoots it, and it hits an invisible veil in the air, opening up the Shadow Realm. Legolas screams a war cry and begins running toward Voldemort. He tackles him, knocking him into the Abyss, where he falls, forever. The curtain between the worlds closes, and everyone looks at Legolas in awe. "I guess he probably wishes he wasn't immortal now." says Bob, breaking the silence. Legolas grins and says "Yes. If you ever need me, call this number." Legolas gives Bob a business card, jumps on his white steed, and gallops off into the distance.  
  
Bob and the others stare at this strange retreating figure. Bob looks down at his card.  
  
1-800-LEGOLAS  
  
Weird. But he had a feeling that he would never again need to call it, because Voldemort was gone forever.  
  
The End. 


End file.
